Thanksgiving Gathering Dos and Don’ts – A Post-Election Survival Guide

By Spike Dolomite Ward

As the Development Director of the Labor 411 Foundation, I’ve been planning on writing a blog for Thanksgiving that would shine some extra light on expressing gratitude through building community and ethical consumerism.

But when I sat down to write, I pictured freaked out Americans dreading the trip back home to take their place at the Thanksgiving table amongst a motley crew of relatives who they might not see eye to eye with politically.  I didn’t think the traditional theme of reflection and appreciation would quite cut it this year.  People are still pretty worked up about the result of the election.

So here’s my best advice. If you find yourself seated next to or across from relatives who voted opposite from you, whatever you do, don’t lose it.  Here is a list of don’ts and do’s to keep the peace, not make a scene, or keep you from having to eat crow instead of turkey. 

•    Throw the turkey.
•    Touch the carving knife.
•    Talk with your mouth full of years of stuffing.
•    Yell “You have a big but!” if you hear a cousin say “I’m not _______ but ________”.
•    Interrupt your dad before he asks everyone to say what they’re grateful for to ask, “Who voted for Trump?”
•    Put cranberry sauce in your uncle’s Make America Great Again hat.
•    Gobble at your Green Party vegan sister.
•    Curse at your relatives who didn’t vote.
•    Get drunk, knock the gravy boat over while trying to get to the cornucopia centerpiece so you can use it as a megaphone to announce to the entire family that the Mayflower should have kept on going.
•    Shove a mince meat pie in anybody’s face.
•    Shop on Thanksgiving

•    Stay awake. Don’t bury your head in the sand. America needs you.
•    Raise a glass to retail workers who are stuck working on Thanksgiving.
•    Sign our petition to tell the CEOs of the big box stores that their employees should be home with their families on Thanksgiving.
•    Enjoy your Thanksgiving.


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